Healing
Healing my relationship with my sister-in-law has brought unexpected blessings for me -- comforting memories of my brother.
Last week, I wrote about my struggle to continue a relationship with my sister-in-law after my brother’s death. I’m so glad I found a way forward with her because of her sudden death on July 23.
Over the past week, I’ve been helping Joan’s sister and brother plan her funeral. Her sister had asked for my help, explaining, “I don’t have a sister to help me through this.” Joan also has a dear friend, Patty, who’s been part of the planning process. Patty met Joan in grammar school and maintained the friendship for more than 50 years. (Patty also privately shared her experiences with me about Joan’s hoarding and how she couldn’t find a way to help Joan.)
I have been doing my best to show up in a helpful way for Joan’s family. The blessings I received in the process, quite honestly, have taken my breath away. Patty shares lots of stories of Joan and my brother, stories about them before hoarding took over their life. I have struggled to connect to good memories of my brother. Patty’s stories brought my brother back to life in my heart, giving me joyful memories of him that I had thought were lost for good.
When we cleaned out my father’s apartment last July after his death, we divvied up the photos. When I found a photo of my brother and Joan, taken at my father’s 70th birthday party 23 years earlier, I immediately gave it to another sibling. “I can’t bear to take this one,” I said.
I think of that photo now: My brother and Joan standing with arms around each other and with big smiles. They were happy. This image is the one I now have of them in my mind. His pain had been ever present for me. That pain is gone, replaced by that lovely image of him and Joan. They are happy.
I continue to be amazed at the decision we make in our life and how right ones continue to give back to us. The right ones heal.
Thank you all so much for being such a helpful support to me. I’m grateful to you!
(Image by Michal Jarmoluk from Pixabay.)