In Service Of
We often are seen through one lens -- in service of our caree.
I followed the news coverage after Vice President Harris announced that, if she won, she would include a home care benefit in Medicare. I thought morning shows would have a panel discussion about solutions, including home care, family caregivers need.
Nothing.
So, I went to Twitter and discovered a reporter who shared his same conclusion: Vice President’s announcement gained little traction in the media. He found this astounding, though, because his tweet about her announcement had enormous engagement. Family caregivers shared the challenges of getting and keeping affordable help.
What astonished this reporter most was not the lack of media coverage but the miss by both candidates of how much people want a solution like this. Rather than continuing to talk about solutions family caregivers need, candidates moved on to other issues. What if Vice President Harris stayed with this issue by hosting her own town hall meetings about caregiving issues, engaging with family caregivers to learn more about what they need and how hard it is for them to meet those needs? Maybe those conversations would have kept our issues front and center in the media.
But we’re a miss when it comes to being front and center.
In the summer of 2019, as I prepared to host my Fourth Annual National Caregiving Conference that November, I reached out to politicians vying to be their party’s candidate in the 2020 election to participate in a town hall we would hold at the conference. I sent emails, tweeted them, organized social media campaigns to create an awareness of how important understanding and connecting with family caregivers can be for their campaign.
I only heard back from one campaign (Senator Michael Bennet) who wanted more information about the proposed town hall meeting but never accepted the invitation. No one else responded so we didn’t hold the town hall. Looking back, I wish I had held it for ourselves so we could really see ourselves as a pivotal, important voting bloc.
I don’t think we’re seen as an invaluable bloc of voters because we’re only seen as being in service of. We’re seen as doing for another but not as individuals who work, raise families, participate in our communities, pay taxes and vote.
The health care systems certainly only sees us as being in service of. They count on us to provide care 365 days a year, track our caree’s health care data, manage the health care history and keep them informed. They also expect us to do this without paying us or offering us any effective services and programs. Rarely do they ask about us and how we’re doing as we sit in the exam rooms, Emergency rooms and hospital rooms.
We can start to believe that we only have one dimension to our life because it’s the one dimension that takes up so much of our time, space, energy and worry. In my Caregiving Facilitator training, I teach how to manage when a support group member introduces her caree rather than herself. The introduction can sound like: “I’m Denise and I care for my parents. My mom has Parkinson’s and my dad has bladder cancer. My mom was diagnosed recently; my dad in 2004. They live nearby in their own apartment with help from me and other family members. They want to live in their own apartment as long as possible so that’s what I’m trying to do for them.”
We are so used to everyone asking about our carees that we can forget to talk about ourselves, like: “I’m Denise and I help my parents. I also run a small business and am doing my best to manage my stress by swimming. I’m struggling in my relationship with one of my sisters right now. I’m feeling overwhelmed because I feel like I’ve lost so much of my life.”
Being of service to our caree is very important to us. We also must be of service to ourselves. Perhaps positioning ourselves as that critical voting bloc is a way we can change our communities so we have the help and support we need to effectively be in service to ourselves.
Meaning, rather than waiting for the candidates to engage with us, we lead the discussion about what we need so our votes become the pressure to make it happen.
I hear all the time that our caregiving experiences aren’t “sexy enough” which is why our issues don’t get the attention they deserve. What if we organize our numbers to be that pressure that demands the solutions?
What do you think?
(Image by WOKANDAPIX from Pixabay.)
Resources
Our training programs are on sale this month for National Family Caregivers Month. You can save when you enroll in our Certified Caregiving Consultant training program on November 15 and 16. Learn more.
Our interns from the Community Health Program at University of Illinois would love to learn how you manage, navigate and advocate within The 17 Caregiving Systems. Learn more and schedule your interview.