After I began working with family caregivers in 1990, I fell in love.
I loved listening to family caregivers tell their stories. Their experiences contained all the elements of a great book:
• drama (would the doctor call back?)
• mystery (would the sibling ever show up?)
• terror (would the bumps in the night be just that?)
• and courage. So much courage.
Because I focused so much on listening to the narrative and wondering what would happen next, I never sat in judgement. I never told anyone what to do and how to do it. I let the family caregivers drive the car, perhaps offering a navigation tip here and there, but respecting that they captain their journey.
As I spent more and more years helping and supporting, I began to add more navigation tips because I could help them avoid potholes and detours and speed traps having traveled these roads so many times before as a passenger. They still drove, though.
Because I sat with family caregivers, I gave them time to reflect, which helped them find the words for experiences that often left them speechless. During a caregiving experience, we see so much that hurts our heart and crushes our soul that we often can’t quite explain it. With a patient listener, we can find our way to the words.
Listening Heals
In 2017, I added a requirement that participants in our Certified Caregiving Consultant training program tell a four-minute story of their choice. They decide the story, they can practice or not, they can use notes or not. The transformation that happens after a participant tells a story is amazing.
After one participant told a story, I told her that I saw a veil lift from her face. She had lived with a judgement that she had not done enough to help her father; that judgment settled over her like a dark cloud. Sharing the story to a supportive group transformed her, almost as if the sun replaced the cloud. I want the CCCs to experience that experience they create for their clients with the commit to listening.
Listening Works
In 2023, we launched the Caregiving Listener Project which matches a trained Volunteer Listening Artist with a Caregiving Story Teller who shares a four-minute story. The initial data from our Feb. 16 Caregiving Listener Project lets us know we’re on the right track.
Our Story-Tellers:
• found it helpful to share their story
• felt understood
• found the session worthwhile
• enjoyed their time with their Listening Artist
• would recommend this event to family caregivers
Stay tuned: Our next Caregiving Listener Project will happen on October 10. I'll also soon share another opportunity for the gifted listeners among us: A Professional Listening Artist training that elevates the skill into a service we can offer.
I’d love to know about your experiences connecting with a good listener. What makes a good listener? How do you feel after you’ve shared to someone who simply listens?
Wow, I’m blown away by this idea. I can’t wait to sign up to become a trained Listening Artist, as listening is something I naturally do a lot of. My experience being really listened to is that a good listener, a kind listener, hears things in my story and sees things in myself that I had been blind to. One friend said, “Your mother has a special tone that she reserves just for you.” Feeling seen like that is so deeply healing for me.