Someone Needs to Tell Us
Health care professionals need to tell us there's help and support for us, too.
Let’s say that you’re driving on Saturday afternoon to run errands. You’re tight on time, though, because you need to get back to your mom and you need to pick up your daughter in a few minutes. But you also need to make a few stops, including for gas and groceries.
Because you are so focused on the pressing needs and on the road ahead, you don’t realize a back rear tire is losing air. The mechanic at the gas station where you stop to fill up notices. But he thinks, “Well, she’ll realize it soon enough.” The woman who parks next to you at the grocery store notices it, too. But she also thinks, “Well, she’ll realize it soon enough.” Your minister at church notices it, too, when you drop off a donation of clothes and canned goods. But, he also thinks, “Well, she’ll notice it soon enough.”
You only notice when driving the car feels like riding over bumps, bumps, bumps. The back tire is now flat. You pull over and call AAA for help. While you wait, you cry. You’ll never get home in time for your mom and your daughter will have to get a ride from a friend’s parent. Why didn’t anyone tell me, you ask with a look up to the dark clouds hovering over you.
What’s this story got to do with caregiving?
I hear all the time (and twice this past Friday) that so many don’t realize they are family caregivers so don’t seek support and help.
This statement makes me crazy because doctors, health care professionals, our church community and others in life know we provide care. Doctors tell us the instructions when they hand us our caree’s prescription for a new medication. Health care professionals train us on how to provide care for our caree after hospital discharge. The minister makes a special trip to the back of the church to give our caree a special blessing.
So many see us. Why don’t they tell us?
Why doesn’t the doctor say, “You matter, too. Here’s a list of resources to support you.”
Why don’t health care professionals say, “You are really important. Here’s a list of resources for you.”
Why doesn’t our minister or rabbi say, “God loves you and wants you to have happiness in your life. How can we support you?”
Of course, some do. It’s just that not all do. And, that’s why so many drive around town with tires losing air until they just can’t drive any longer. Or why so many family caregivers power through without breaks or support or help until their burnout derails their lives, especially their well-being.
Shouldn’t someone have told us? Why wait to help until the damage is already done?
I’m curious: How did you find help and support?
Resources
We offer support for you after a family member’s diagnosis. Join us on the first Tuesday for our free monthly meeting, A Plan for You After a Family Member’s Diagnosis.
I created a Resource flyer that’s easy for doctors, health care professionals and community providers to share. Download our Caregiving Resources flyer and ask health care professionals to give to the family caregivers they serve. (Note: The link will take you the design I created in Canvas so that you can modify the flyer to include the resources you want to recommend.)
A new reader of my free guide, A Workbook for Your Workplace Resilience, said: "I am struck by how comprehensive, compassionate, and wise your book is. I will be recommending it to my clients and friends." Download your free copy.
Family caregivers crave meaningful conversations during their caregiving experience. Learn how to facilitate the support group that does that just — provide the space for family caregivers to share honestly about their reality — with our Certified Caregiving Facilitator training.
(Image by Stefan Schweihofer from Pixabay.)