Sometimes, We Don’t Got This
Our reality means we need realistic support.
A friend who cares for her husband regularly shares honest updates about their situation on social media. A few days ago, she shared a tough update, writing that treatment options are limited as his disease progresses. She also wrote:
“Even if we do….please don’t comment, ‘You’ve got this!’ because it’s hard to read when you’re in these shoes.”
When we’re in the middle of horribleness, we often don’t need cheerleaders. We need understanding, another to see how hard, how horrible, how heartbreaking right now is for us.
Our friends and family members, though, hate that hard, horrible, heartbreaking time for us. That’s why they want to cheer us up out of it. But we can’t be cheered up when our family member is dying. We can’t.
I realized this early on in my work to support family caregivers. After starting my first online support group in 1996, I regularly looked for training I could take which would equip me so I could be provide the right kind of support for family caregivers. In 2004, I learned about life coach training and immediately enrolled. During that training, I learned a three-prong communication strategy which I then integrated into every conversation I had, especially when I connected with family caregivers and former family caregivers. That strategy (asking, listening, validating) sounds so simple yet it’s the exact opposite of how we typically communicate. The strategy requires us to let go of cheering up and fixing so that we can let it understanding and support.
I really believe every family caregiver deserves to connect with a professional who commits to understanding the family caregiver’s experience and sharing the right words of support. That desire led me to create the Certified Caregiving Consultant training program with the goal of training former family caregivers to start a small business serving family caregivers.
Because of the training, the CCCs say they have a comfort level and confidence they didn’t have before the training to support family caregivers throughout their difficult days. "It’s exactly what I needed to feel 'well rounded' with my coaching,” says a CCC. “I have been caregiving for over 15 years yet, being on this side of it, I felt inadequate and now I’m more comfortable with what I know has value."
During caregiving, we live the reality of our difficult time. We so appreciate it when another lives it with us.
(Image by Kiều Trường from Pixabay.)
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