When the Flipped Mattress Is Quality of Life
The little things sometimes mean the most to us.
I coach a family caregiver, Carol, who cares for her husband, Con. (I’m changing details to protect her privacy.)
Carol began caring for Con after his first stroke 10 years ago. His second stroke last year caused significant declines, including his inability to sit in his wheelchair.
Carol regularly worries about how she can help him sit on the edge of the hospital bed so she can transfer him to a wheelchair. Over the past year, she has asked any and all health care professionals if Con could, someday, sit up in his wheelchair again. She receives different answers which leaves her worrying:
What’s possible that I’m not doing?
Because she’s unsure of what’s possible, she worries that she should be doing more so that Con can sit in a wheelchair, even if just for a few moments once a week. During our call, I could hear the stress that the question she wonders, What’s possible?, causes her.
So I asked: What’s quality of life for you and for Con?
She shared an incident that had just happened with the new physical therapist, who has been able to help Con sit up on the side of the hospital bed a few times for a few minutes with Carol’s assistance. When Con sits up, he yells because he’s in significant pain: “I just want to lie down! I just want to listen to my books and be with my wife.”
Ahh, I said. Con has described his quality of life which is so helpful to know. Carol agreed. “He loves to listens to his books,” she said.
What’s quality for you, I asked Carol.
She began sharing more about why she would like Con to sit in the wheelchair. “I would love to flip his mattress in his hospital bed. I can see the sag in the middle of the mattress and I know it’s uncomfortable for him.”
Okay, I said. Let’s figure out how to flip the mattress.
Her entire energy changed from fretting to enthusiasm. “That would be great,” she said. “It drives me nuts to look at that mattress.”
I suggested she call her fire department, who may be able to come with a gurney and assist with transferring Con to the gurney so Carol can flip the mattress. I also suggested she talk this out with the physical therapist.
It’s so helpful when we take the time to talk out what quality of life means for the family caregiver. We often assume it’s something big, like a week-long break. Sometimes, it’s something simple like flipping that mattress which a caregiving experience can make so challenging. When Con listens to his books on his flipped mattress, Carol knows she’s done enough because Con is comfortable and happy.
We can get too stuck in the worry about whether or not we’re doing enough. If we focus on creating quality of life for ourselves and our carees right now, we can give ourselves a break from worrying in order to be fully present in our moment.
What’s quality of life for you?
(Con qualified for hospice services until last month, when hospice services ended. I’ll share more about that impact in a future newsletter.)
(Image by congerdesign from Pixabay.)
Resources
Our next Caregiving Listener Project will happen on October 10. Learn how you join us as a Volunteer Listener and/or Story Teller by joining me for an informational meeting on September 5 at 1 p.m. ET. Register to join me.
Would you like to volunteer to support and mentor family caregivers? Our Certified Caregiving Mentor program is free through September 1. Watch 10 hours of Master Classes about the caregiving experience and then join me for two hours of live training which happens on the first Friday at 11 a.m. ET. Enroll.