When We Can’t Make Sense, We Can Choose Love
Grieving my brother led me to love him unconditionally.
In May 2020, Kathy Murri, one of our Certified Caregiving Consultants, and I launched a twice-a-month grief support group. In August 2021, I become both a facilitator and an attendee after my brother’s sudden death.
I find so much comfort in talking about the details of death, the struggles of grieving and the exhaustion of a mourning day. During our most recent meeting, we talked about the difficult relationships we may have had with our family member who died.
My brother was a complicated person. During his early years and his last year of his life, we experienced wonderful moments with him. The many middle years, though, were often tough. He was frustrated, aggravated, impatient.
I struggled to make sense of these challenging years. What could I have done to better support him? How could I have helped him find happiness?
As I spoke about this conflict during our support group meeting, I realized it’s not up to me to make sense of his life. It’s only up to me to simply love him as he was and as he is. When I release the pressure to understand him, I receive the gift of simply loving him. I am grateful for our good moments, the moments that really matter most.
I miss him. I love him. Those two statements bring me so much comfort.
(Image by Rebekka D from Pixabay)
Resources
Grief Care and Share meets on the second and third Fridays at 1 p.m. ET of every month.
The second edition of my book, After Caregiving Ends, A Guide to Beginning Again, is now available! You can get the Kindle version free on December 20.