"How Do We Endure the Pain and Suffering?"
A question a family caregiver asked me years ago still stays with me.
Carla, who cared for her husband and mother-in-law, posed a question several years ago in my online community:
How do we endure the pain and suffering?
That question has stuck with me. I thought of it again on Thursday during my story-telling experience with Ken, my Volunteer Listener. I connected with Ken during our Caregiving Listener Project. (Save the date! Our next Caregiving Listener Project will take place on February 22, 2025.)
I shared my story of regret that my mom had to wait years to receive a correct diagnosis. During my conversation with Ken about regret, we began to talk about suffering. Ken’s questions and insights about my regret helped me understand that my regret created a lot of suffering for me. I also have the regret because the delayed diagnosis caused suffering for my mom. Oh, gosh, that combination of suffering can feel unbearable.
Ken and I continued to talk about suffering, which is when I remembered Carla’s question: How do we endure the pain and suffering?
We then talked about the different kinds of suffering, creating this list:
Memories of our difficult past actions or conversations or decisions
Emotional like anger, frustration, overwhelm
Physical because of illness or disability
Mental because of unrealized accomplishments
Spiritual because we feel disconnected from hope and purpose
Desolation because we feel forgotten
Loss because of a death, divorce or difficult change
Financial because we don’t have enough
Our suffering can be complicated because it can involve all those categories. We may struggle to ease suffering, which also adds to our suffering.
I’d love to know about your experiences with suffering. When do you suffer? When do you witness your caree suffering? What helps you cope? What kind of suffering is missing from my list?
I’m grateful to learn more about your experiences.
(Image by Kanenori from Pixabay)
Thank you so much for sharing your thoughts in our survey about the help and support you want and need. It’s been so helpful for me to read your insights about your experiences. If you haven’t had a chance to complete the survey yet, you’ll find it here. It takes about 5 minutes.
Our Fifth Annual Beginning Again Retreat happens on October 26. Our virtual three-hour retreat helps you find your next steps after your caregiving experience ends. Learn more and register.
Want to receive support for your caregiving or after-caregiving experience? Pam Kiester, one of our participants in our Certified Caregiving Consultant training program, is available to provide free weekly check-in calls for four weeks. She’s offering these free check-in calls as part of her certification requirements. If you’d Pam to connect with you weekly so you can share about your days, connect with Pam.