I had a conversation with a colleague this week about how often we hear:
Just ask for help.
A caregiving experience can mean we’re in a constant state of needing help over an extended period of time. We just don’t need help for a few hours every once in a while. We need help every day (and often nights) for years.
And then the need for help for years becomes decades.
It’s exhausting to be in a constant state of needing help, of asking for help, of juggling the help, of training the help, of interacting with the help, of bearing the help when we wish for just one day when we didn’t need it.
The reality is: The help often only solves part of the problem. The help ends. The help changes. The help disappears.
So we start over.
If only we had to ask for help once in a while. Our reality is that we have the constant stress of knowing we need to ask for help again and again and again.
It’s demoralizing, draining and devastating to be in that constant state of needing help. It’s just one of the reasons we get so burnt out.
What’s the most worst part of asking for help for you?
(Image by David Mark from Pixabay.)
Resources
We took A Soul Break from demands this week.
Join us for A Morning of Support for Working Family Caregivers.
I had a few thoughts after publishing this post:
1. The need for so much help means we often can't meet our basic needs. We're already tired from not having enough when we begin to ask for help.
2. Social media, I think, could inspire others to help only if they can make a show of it -- post about it, create videos about it. Giving help isn't necessarily entirely generous. We then become part of an equation -- others help as long they get something out of it. That's difficult for us, too, because we can feel used.
I think for me, there is guilt associated with asking for help. Specifically, I think to myself: "you're being dramatic. It isn't that bad. You can do this all on your own." My brothers are supposed to be my helpers (our quite elderly parents live with my husband and me), and sometimes I feel guilty pulling them away from their own families (grown children, grandchildren) to ask for help.