Exactly! It doesn’t matter if the choices look simple to anyone else. There’s no time for wasted effort when you’re caring for someone else. The overwhelm is always a choice away, so resisting and taking your time to decide can prevent the flood.
This is such an interesting subject for deep reflection! Friends who are palliative care experts wrote a great book called Hope For The Best and Plan For the Rest. One of the 7 Keys of managing a life changing diagnosis is "Know Your Style". I thought of that when I read what you wrote today, Denise. I think there is nothing worse than someone coming into my home to "help" and rearranging my cupboards or ironing my favourite silk blouse on high heat. Literally that stuff drives me nuts. I want things the way I want them. And some days I am too tired to give that level of direction so literally, I'd rather it not get done. There is so much work attached to accepting help and I know it - I know my style and accept that it's just part of who I am. (On the other hand if someone offers to bring food with wine, I'm really good with that LOL!) Happy Easter! Donna
I love this insight about knowing our style, Donna. The help that doesn't help is just terrible. I also think we might have to give ourselves time and grace to understand that style, too. If it doesn't work for us, it doesn't work!! (I had a friend who would drop off Paczki the day before Ash Wednesday. Now, *that* helped!!)
Haha hooray for Paczki! I had a friend who dropped off a whole lot of prepared meals WITH wine pairings and hair decorations like a flowered hairband. That was love in a basket. And YES to taking the time to understand your style. It's like picking a boyfriend/husband, right? After a few non-starters, we say, "Well, now I know what DON'T want!" LOL
Exactly! It doesn’t matter if the choices look simple to anyone else. There’s no time for wasted effort when you’re caring for someone else. The overwhelm is always a choice away, so resisting and taking your time to decide can prevent the flood.
The overwhelm is awful because you feel like you lost control and are out of control. We want to be deliberate so we have controlled chaos.
This is such an interesting subject for deep reflection! Friends who are palliative care experts wrote a great book called Hope For The Best and Plan For the Rest. One of the 7 Keys of managing a life changing diagnosis is "Know Your Style". I thought of that when I read what you wrote today, Denise. I think there is nothing worse than someone coming into my home to "help" and rearranging my cupboards or ironing my favourite silk blouse on high heat. Literally that stuff drives me nuts. I want things the way I want them. And some days I am too tired to give that level of direction so literally, I'd rather it not get done. There is so much work attached to accepting help and I know it - I know my style and accept that it's just part of who I am. (On the other hand if someone offers to bring food with wine, I'm really good with that LOL!) Happy Easter! Donna
I love this insight about knowing our style, Donna. The help that doesn't help is just terrible. I also think we might have to give ourselves time and grace to understand that style, too. If it doesn't work for us, it doesn't work!! (I had a friend who would drop off Paczki the day before Ash Wednesday. Now, *that* helped!!)
Haha hooray for Paczki! I had a friend who dropped off a whole lot of prepared meals WITH wine pairings and hair decorations like a flowered hairband. That was love in a basket. And YES to taking the time to understand your style. It's like picking a boyfriend/husband, right? After a few non-starters, we say, "Well, now I know what DON'T want!" LOL